The first time i heard the compliment "I love your body" i was dumbstruck. I rarely received compliments about my body from people, and when i heard them, they were words that didn’t sound genuine or so i thought. Words like "you’re not that bad" or "you’re okay". But there was something about how this particular compliment was worded. It was laced with so much sincerity, i couldn’t doubt it even if i tried.
Growing up i felt different, not a unique kind of different but a strange kind. I was smaller than my age mates, i had a different look from kids my age. Big eyes, lanky looking and a voice not meant for a lady like i was told. My insecurities started kicking in and as the years progressed it didn't get any better. I hated my body, i hated my eyes, i hated my voice and I hated my skin because i suffered from breakouts at some point.
I watched girls my age transform to ladies with nice figures, with beautiful skin, nice feminine voices and i felt stuck in my little body. My voice wasn’t the typical feminine voice and i was always anxious when I had to speak to an audience.
I became defensive, it was the only way to protect myself from the bullies. The comments really hit a bad spot when they came from people you thought were friends, relatives, even the boy you had a crush on.
As I got older, i found out i was battling with "body dysmorphia disorder". As a slim girl some people have this crazy notion that you’re either starving or not eating good, on top of that you also get blasted with questions. Frequent ones like "are you a model?" and when you reply "no", the unsolicited advice follows "you should be a model, you’re wasting your body" those exact words were said to me by a stranger, it was hurtful and hilarious at the same time. Or the unnecessary prescriptions of supplements to take, the kind of food you should eat and so on. In secondary school i had a teacher who called me "the big eyes girl" and it would elicit laughter from everyone in the classroom, i would laugh too, though i never found it funny. I have so many memories from being taunted about my body, some i can remember vividly, others I’ve suppressed and tried to forget over the years.
It’s been years and i’m finally learning to love and accept my body, I’m not entirely there but the first step was self acceptance. I came upon a quote that said "Nothing i accept about myself can be used against me to diminish me.” I repeated these words till it became a reality. Therefore, i accept that I’m slim, i accept that I’m small, i accept that i do not have a big ass “yet”, i accept that my eyes are big and i accept that my body will not be appealing to some or that it may not be considered the "standard" for beauty and i truthfully don’t care anymore. Also having and meeting the right people me helped me. Which is why I’m determined to focus on the positive compliments and block out the negative comments.
When you accept yourself, the whole world accepts you. The only assurance and compliment you need to hear about your body, has to come from you first, don't wait for reassurance from people before you feel good. Stop the comparison, your body is uniquely different from others and our differences makes us beautiful. If you wish to gain, lose weight, or alter any change in your body, don't do it because you want to conform to the negative comments, do it because you want to, and it isn't life threatening or unhealthy. I like to think sometimes these comments from others may come from a place of projection. Body dysmorphia and the path to self acceptance can be really hard and unkind, but be confident and keep going. Their comments do not define you, there's beauty beyond your body.
I still have moments where my clothes are loose and not fitting because I’ve lost some pounds. As a slim person, loosing weight is something i dread but i don’t let it bother me for long, i pick something else that fits, put it on and go on about my day. Moments where my insecurities are starting to reappear again and i try blocking it out as i remind myself that I’m more than how i look. I have a great personality, i light up every room i walk into with my energy, my eyes are beautiful and I’ve received lovely compliments about them, my body is alluring and my voice may not be high pitched and considered feminine enough but it’s different and i love it.
There are uncontrollable and valid reasons why people's looks may change or why they have their looks. For instance, the woman battling hormonal imbalance, the person who has to gain or lose weight for health reasons, someone with an eating disorder and many other reasons. That's why it's rude and wrong to speak on people's looks when you don't know what's going on in their lives. There's nothing like who gets bullied more, big, fat, slim, short, tall or anyone who gets shamed for how they look, it'll never be okay.
There are also cases where people might use words like fat, slim, skinny, short, tall and so on when describing you. It’s neccesary that you discern when you’re being described or body shamed with these words.
If you’re someone who is still guilty of body shaming or speaking on people’s looks, i hope you stop doing so . And when you’re cautioned, do not try to play it off as a "joke" or "it’s not that serious" and simply apologize.
It’s not your body, your opinions do not matter, save your comments.
