We were sitting together on the sofa in your living room when I asked you the question, though we were seated close to each other but I could feel the invisible distance between us. "It’s not you, it’s me" you said angrily for the third time after my question. I wince at your raised voice, the angry look quickly vanish from your face the moment you see my reaction. Then you smiled and said it again "it’s not you, it’s just me". I don’t believe you but I smile back and look away.
We’ve been together for a year, six months and eleven days. Everything was almost perfect and good prior to last month when I noticed the changes. It started with the less communication from you, i could sense the distance creeping in, how you started reacting to my conversations, seeing them as arguments, my questions as unnecessary, I just wanted reassurance, but you made it feel like I was overreaching. On days when I’m alone I try to tell myself same thing you always say "it’s not me, it’s him" I mutter to myself but I don’t sound convincing enough even for myself.
It’s been 2 months since the change and you still say nothing’s wrong but the distance between us has grown wider and I know you can feel it too. It’s obvious you don’t care anymore, i feel so exhausted fighting for us when you won’t even try. So I’m choosing to let you go too, even if i was hoping doing so would make you realize I was slipping away and you’d pull me back, but you don’t. I know you always tried to assure me that nothing had changed with you but your actions said otherwise. I’ve always believed that "actions speak louder than words" and your actions were pretty loud. So I watch my love for you fade slowly, but you are not even conscious of this happening. We have become so estranged, i don’t even know who I am anymore, how can I know you?
They say "nobody’s perfect" but I was willing to be perfect for you, I may not have been the perfect lover but one thing was sure I loved you I think a little too much, and definitely a little too blindly as I never saw this coming though a part of me thinks I should have. I wish you would tell me you were sorry and hurt too, but you don’t. I wish you were honest with me when you decided to let go. For someone who claimed to love me, you let me go too easily. I really wish you had said "it’s you and not me" i would have believed you.
