I remember sitting at the edge of my bed that day as i listened to the aggressive sound of the rain beating against my roof, i could also hear the rhythmic sound from the leaking roof as it dropped to the ceiling. My daily routine had been like that for two weeks now, everyday i woke up, i would feel the same numbness that made me cry and think about everything that was happening in my life or do i say think about nothing because there was literally nothing going on. I felt stuck for months and everyday nothing seemed to be getting better. It’s that feeling where you can feel yourself drowning, but your body is the only thing being pulled by the currents underneath while your head is still up struggling and gasping for air and you know it’s only a matter of time before your head goes under because you can’t swim.
I know at least few people can relate to what it means to be "stuck" somehow at least once in their lifetime. It's that phase where you feel stagnant, being unable to move forward and watching each day pass without anything exciting happening to you or around you. You're trying, but everything seems unproductive, there's no progress no matter how hard you try.
2022/2023 was the time i felt this way, i had just failed my uni exams again, that put a halt to everything happening around me. I couldn’t do anything else than wait, i couldn’t apply for jobs because most jobs required a degree, the jobs that didn’t require any were not favorable for someone who was still a student and let’s not even talk about the pay and conditions. I started a business and it wasn’t going as planned, i was emotionally and financially drained and exhausted. So i just watched each day pass with uncertainty as i struggled to do something but nothing worked.
Most people still feel like this or may have felt like this too, and it’s so exhausting because it’s a feeling that’s indescribable sometimes. I’m not going to try and sugarcoat words, it’s a very hard phase that also takes a terrible toll on your mental and even physical health and most times leads to depression. Especially when you watch people around you have their own breakthroughs, get that job, living their lives to the fullest and you’re just "there". There are stories of people ending it all due to situations like this and i know we all say "suicide is not an option" but sometimes we can’t understand or speak on people’s situations when we’ve not walked in their shoes. Not to mention that everyone has a limit to how much pain they can withstand, physical or emotional pain.
All i can say is it eventually gets better, not immediately, not overnight but one day it gets better. If you ever find yourself stuck i need you to try everything to be unstuck. You don’t have to do much but do something. It doesn’t have to be something big, it can be the littlest thing but just do it. I started doing little things that made me happy like hanging out with my friends, i would take long walks in the evening, read books and i started writing again. Writing has always been therapeutic for me and i am so pleased i found my way back to it.
Doing something can help you too. Sometimes we tend to try too hard to force and overdo things and we end up becoming overwhelmed with everything and end up doing nothing. So you take it one day at a time, it's a gradual process and before you know it you're climbing out of that dark hole.
You've come too far to give up, think about how good it gets because it will. It's just a temporary phase, stay positive and keep your head up. Have the right community of people around that can cheer you up and help, no man is an island. Seek for help if you feel yourself losing it. Always remember there’s someone out there who’s going through the same, you’re not alone and it gets better, give yourself grace. I'm sending love to anyone going through this phase and I'm happy for those who found their way out.
